Episode 108
Summer Health Series
Listening In: Racism and Injustice
I like to take time to process difficult issues. In matters of politics and hard conversation topics I often feel torn because I see aspects of both sides. Truly. And I find it hard to work out what is true. I spend time reading articles from a wide variety of sources and books, listening to podcasts about things I agree with and things I don’t, and watching documentaries about people I admire and people I’m not sure I agree with at all. Time praying and asking God to help me understand. I am not conservative on all topics, but I don’t agree with all liberal beliefs either. It makes voting challenging. It makes conversations challenging - sometimes I feel like I say too little and appear to not care or that I agree with everyone who is talking or I say too much and offend those sitting with me as I try to verbalize everything that I’m processing inside and outside. And what a time to try to take in hard things in this moment right now in our nation.
This is the first episode in our summer health series and I believe it to be one of our most important - if not THE most important one right now. I’m going to share a few things I’ve learned, what I’ve been reading, listening to and watching, and what I’m doing to make sure that this isn’t just a phase or a blip in time for working on understanding, but that it is something that can be sustained.
I’ve waited a few weeks to say anything because I needed to take time to learn and listen and evaluate and think. One of the things that was most frustrating to me was seeing posts that said: If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.
Not all of us move quickly. These are not easy things to take in. I agree that we can not be neutral, but I don’t jump quickly to choosing my opinion and beliefs. I need time to reflect and think and decide. And once I can verbalize why I believe what I believe and what I know and understand, then I feel more confident to add my voice. I felt pressure to voice my opinion on things I wasn’t sure I really understood. And I knew I needed to spend time learning and listening. So I’ve begun the work of doing this. And it’s been quiet for me on the outside because there’s so much for me to think on. I believe it’s slow work - it’s opening my mind, my heart, and my ears to hearing perspectives that go against what I thought I’ve known and believed. Or that challenge me and how I treat others or how I’ve responded to situations in the past where I believe that I did the best I could, but I want to do better. I want to be more aware and be wise about what is happening. It’s not something that is an immediate change - it’s going to take time. At first I felt so overwhelmed by all of the media and posts and information being shared. I didn’t want to respond fully until I had taken some time personally before sharing online. For me, the work has to begin with me. And that means that not everything I’m learning is going to be posted. I believe change is necessary and I believe that we are at an important place in our nation where hard conversations need to happen and our mindsets need to consider things that are different from what we might have thought we knew before. This time it feels different. I’ve noticed more conversations with my white friends about what has happened in and to black individuals and families and how we are to respond and act.
Through our conversations, I’ve shared with friends that one of the struggles I have is actually saying the word ‘black’ about people with dark skin because growing up it was ingrained in me that it was offensive to say the word ‘black’ and instead it was more respectful to say ‘African American.’ Out of respect, I’ve tried to use the right wording and refer to those of different races respectfully and with the language that is kind. Now I’m learning that not every black person is an African American. I honestly hadn’t thought of it that way and it makes sense. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with saying ‘black’ - it’s just that I continue to want to be respectful and after years and years of using the term ‘African American’ it’s now a total mindshift for me.
Another change that I’m finally understanding is the Black Lives Matter movement. I honestly don’t know why it finally clicked for me - maybe because we as a society have truly listened more and it’s been explained better or maybe because I paid more attention because I was so upset by the deaths of Armaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd and just didn’t understand why their lives were taken away, but I am finally at a place where I understand why we are saying Black Lives Matter. I was one who didn’t get the focus on black lives - I would say ‘but all lives matter!’ I now get that they have been saying all along ‘Listen! Watch! See! Pay attention! Black lives are being treated unjustly, wrongly, and killed senselessly. Black lives matter and we need to do something about what is happening.’ And they are right.
My teenager and I have talked about Black Lives Matter to the extent that I am understanding it and learning more. She shared that she felt like she’s having to choose between black people and police. I believe it doesn’t have to be one or the other. It can be both. Not all black people are criminals and not all cops are evil. I can be for the rights of black people and work to help them heal and support their lives. I can be shaken over watching Derek Chauvin kneel needlessly on George Floyd’s neck and see how wrong it is and how senseless that cop’s actions are while also being friends with cops who are truly for helping others and helping to enforce peace in my neighborhood. I can see that no matter the choices George Floyd may have made in his life, he did not deserve to have his neck kneeled on and no matter if the autopsy says that it was due to his heart or prior conditions that I know he would still be alive if he hadn’t had a white man kneeling on him. It is wrong. It will always be wrong. For as many cops that do these terrible things to blacks, there are as many if not more cops who are genuinely kind and caring and doing their jobs and living their lives with integrity and helping. I’m grateful to know several of them - and they’re of all races. And while there are black people who may be defined as criminals, there are as many if not more blacks who are genuinely kind and caring and doing their jobs and living their lives with integrity and helping. Our media would love to pit us against one another by showing the actions on one sick human being taking the life of another and wanting us to hate cops. They’ll also label black people as criminals and thugs and want us to hate blacks because they lump them together making us think that the actions of one define the actions of us all. We should not label each other based on the actions of one. And I know I might be kind of Pollyanna about this. I want peace. I want to fight for blacks, support the law enforcement who work with integrity, and be a part of the healing. And this is the struggle I have. God calls us to be peacemakers and this is something that is of great importance to me. And I work to see both sides because there’s always two sides and the truth often lies in the grey. But I can also see that I need to be more informed about what my black friends have lived and experienced. I want to be a better friend. A better teacher. A better human. How do I do this?
I have begun the work of understanding and learning. I have spent time finding resources - many completely honest and brutal and hard to take in, but necessary. Documentaries. Podcasts. Books. I have found that spending time a few days a week using these resources has helped and on other days I’ve just had to take time to talk to God and pray and think about what I’m learning. It’s a heavy burden to share with our brothers and sisters who have been fighting their entire lives for things that we’re just now beginning to see - at least for me it is. You may have heard about these resources already, but it’s worth sharing again:
The first thing I started with was watching the documentary 13th on Netflix with my teenager. Our teenagers will be the generation to really start making an impact on the war on race and it has been important to share with her what I’m learning and for her to see some hard things that I believe she can handle. The documentary is by filmmaker Ava DuVernay. Many different interviews share about the history of racial inequality and mass incarceration of black people. The last five minutes or so has footage of killings and wrong doing of black people just so you’re aware if watching with your teens.
A few other documentaries and movies to watch:
When They See Us - a series about the jogger in 1989 who was assaulted and raped in NYC and five young people were wrongfully charged with the crime
Just Mercy - movie about Walter McMillian who in 1987 is a black man sentenced to die wrongfully for the murder of an 18 year old girl
Both are based on true stories.
The second thing I began doing was listening to podcast episodes. As a music educator I believe everyone should listen to The Score: An urban music education podcast. I have several episodes downloaded and I’m subscribed to their podcast. The episode I’d start with: Episode #34: White Fragility in Music Education.
The first podcast I started with was Unlocking Us - Brene Brown’s interview with Ibram X Kendi on how to be an Antiracist. So good. So so good. One of the things I realized as I listened to this episode was how much I’ve felt in the past that I, as a white person, am shamed into feeling bad for actions or lack of action I’ve taken or my ancestors… especially when I feel that I’ve always tried my best to be honest and open to all people. Do I realize that there’s more I can do? Absolutely! And I loved that Dr. Kendi talks about how it’s not about shaming ourselves. He presents everything so honestly, but kindly and I am excited to read his book How to be an Antiracist. Brene also has an interview with Austin Channing Brown that I want to listen to also called Black Dignity in a world made for Whiteness
Be the Bridge with Latasha Morrison - she has a book out by the same title
The Lazy Genius Episode #161 - A Summer Reading Pledge where Kendra shares how she’s making sure to read works by black authors and being more aware of ways she can open up herself to diversity within the people she surrounds herself with online and growing in understanding of those who are different from her
1619 - a short podcast series of five episodes beginning with the moment that a ship arrived in Virginia with more than 20 enslaved Africans in August of 1619 and what followed. Episode Three is the only episode I’ve listened to so far - went out of order - because it is on the birth of American Music. I’m going back to episode one and listening from beginning to end now.
The third thing I began doing is reading. I’ve spent tons of time reading articles from both viewpoints - liberal and conservative papers and online articles - piecing together what others saying about what we need to do now. I have a few books on my virtual bookshelf, but I haven’t started any of them yet.
White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo and Michael Eric Dyson
How to be an Anti-racist by Ibram X. Kendi
Be the Bridge by Latasha Morrison
If you’re looking for a space as a music educator to consider how we take what we’re learning and how we look at the resources we use in our classrooms and how we consider our teaching practices to include materials outside of Western Europe and white American music, I highly recommend looking into the website: Decolonizing the Music Room. The website describes decolonizing as this: Our decolonizing work means centering the voices, knowledge, and experiences of BBIP (Black, Brown, and Indigenous People) to challenge the historical dominance of Western European and white American music, narratives, and practices that has resulted in minimization and erasure throughout our field. There is no end point of being "decolonized," only constant learning, reflecting and growing.
Constant learning, reflecting, and growing. It’s a lot to take in - at least for me - and I’m doing so at the pace that I can sustain it. This work of understanding and listening is a slow process that begins with me. And it begins with considering how I can better support and become an ally with the black community. How I can not be silent in what I believe and not be neutral, but be open to listening and actively helping my family, my students, and my community head towards justice and equality for black people and building relationships with those who are different than me and yet the same. I know many of you feel the same and are doing the same. I look forward to hard conversations, continuing to grow in being comfortable having uncomfortable talks that are important, and helping to bring about necessary change in my home, my classroom, and my community - which then brings change in our cities, our states, and our nation.
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