S2: E45 Self-Care During the School Year

Season Two
Episode 45
Self-Care During the School Year

A friend shared a picture with me recently of a phone battery that was almost empty with just a little red line at the end of it showing that the charge was nearly gone.  When I see this on my phone, it’s a signal that it needs charging so it’ll have enough energy to function the way I need it to. The text under the picture she shared with me said: you wouldn’t let this happen to your phone.  Don’t let it happen to you either. Self-care is a priority- not a luxury. Now I have let my phone get to this point and it always stresses me out. I see it get red telling me there is 20% battery left… then 10%... then 5% and a few times it’s simply shut down completely because I didn’t get it recharged in time.  At that point it’s of no good to me or anyone else.

For us there is no visual red light to warn us that we’re running on empty.  There are other signals and too often we ignore them or figure we can’t do anything about it because we have so much to get done, others are relying on us, there’s no way to take a long vacation or a day off work.  If you feel that your battery is becoming depleted or is already depleted, find that you’re putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, or that you simply want to make self-care more of a priority, then keep listening in.

Self-care is something that can be done every day, weekly, monthly, yearly… it doesn’t have to be fancy, occur in big chunks of time, or require a lot of money.  In fact, sometimes it’s the plain Jane simple things in life that allow us to find ways to take time for ourselves in short moments during the day so that we are able to tackle the requirements of our job and home lives.

When the girls were 4 and 1, we were in a time in our lives where there was a lot going on.  We all go through different phases where the crazy is crazier and this was one of those for us.  Jeremy was driving over an hour each way to work in Dallas traffic. He would come home tired and irritated from the drive.  Both girls were in daycare. One of them was always sick - colds and runny noses were a constant - but we had our share of scary sicknesses like scarlet fever with Riley, hand/foot/mouth with both girls, and the worst was the giant hives for Julia twice.  Our 10 year old niece was living with us while her mom was finishing her degree in the Philippines. She is still like a daughter to us and I’m so grateful she was with us for those few years. I was teaching 17 piano students after work on Tues/Thurs until 7:30pm and Sat mornings for 3-4 hours to help cover daycare costs because hello, daycare is expensive and having two in daycare is challenging - the cost was more than our mortgage and a huge strain, but not teaching wasn’t an option because I still brought in healthcare costs which were needed.  In addition we were just making enough to get by financially and at times not enough to cover it all so debt from broken a/c units and home issues was in there too. And finding time for myself? Yeah - wasn’t happening until I pretty well lost it on a phone call with Jeremy.

I don’t remember what set it off exactly - was likely the stress of all the things above and us just trying to plow through this season in our lives while remembering to hold on to each moment as we went along and enjoy it too.  I just remember that I felt lost and I knew I needed to find some moment of taking care of myself, but how? And when? Jeremy and I were on the phone talking and the girls were nearby in the living room. I was crying and telling him I just couldn’t do this anymore.  That I needed him to come home so I could leave because I just couldn’t take it and I needed help. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember yelling (which isn’t typical of me) and saying I was leaving. Not divorce leaving but just that I was going to go somewhere because I just couldn’t be home.  I felt like I needed to get away. He remembers thinking that I was going to hurt myself and was worried about me. I drove to the mall in tears and then walked the mall with sunglasses on and bawling my eyes out feeling like I was in a total fog - not quite sure why I was walking around the mall or why that would be a restful place to go.  I couldn’t think of anywhere to go and so Stonebriar mall was it. Walking around like a zombie who just needed some air to breathe.

I returned home a few hours later and Jeremy was worried - rightly so.  The kids were fine and happy. To be honest I don’t remember if they were in bed already or anything about what they did that evening.  I just remember telling Jeremy that I needed help. I needed to talk to my doctor and start a plan to help me get back on track to being the person I had been - or even just being a functioning adult who wasn’t falling apart - but I didn’t feel like I had the strength to even call the dr.  The next day Jeremy called my doctor and got me an appointment quickly and I went in. The moment the dr walked in, I began crying. We talked through what was going on and how I wasn’t coping well and how I was feeling and some solutions for making life manageable and putting me on a path to wellness.  I shared more about this in our summer health series in Season One: Episode 30 about depression and anxiety if you want to hear more about it if you’re feeling this way or going through something similar.

Coming to terms with my struggle with depression and anxiety was the start of getting healthy in many ways.  I was forced to rest more than I had been because it was necessary for me to get more sleep to help me function during the week.  So on weekends I began to take naps with Julia when she was napping. Taking a nap on the weekends has become something that is a lifesaver for me and in fact, I took a nap for an hour and a half this morning.  Honestly this was one of the first steps of self-care for me: rest. Making sleep a priority and not an option. I need a lot of sleep and so I go to bed early because it makes a difference in the way I function all week long.  It’s one of the best things I can do for my self-care.

I’d love to say that I figured out all the ways to take care of myself in that stage of life but I didn’t.  It was simply the start and it took time to find ways to incorporate self-care into each stage that has come along as the girls have grown - they’re now 9 and 12.  If you’re in that early stage of parenting where they kids are under 5 years of age, I’d encourage you to simply find one thing to do for self-care. Just one thing - for me it was sleep.  There are many joyful moments when your kids are young. It’s an amazing thing to watch them transform so quickly early on, but it’s exhausting. Give yourself grace. Find something you can do to take care of you - make your favorite coffee each morning, get a mani/pedi, take a walk outside without the kids, draw, make music.  Just one small thing can make all the difference.

I’d say wake up before your child wakes up, but that never worked for me.  I hope it works for you so yes - try it! Somehow my kids always knew when I had woken up and got up right away.

Self Care Ideas

For more insights and ideas on self-care, I turned to a group of friends and colleagues that I do life with every day.  They’re the ones that inspire me, encourage me, and who juggle the demands of life in lots of different stages. I texted them and asked them for how they make time for self-care during the school year.  There were a few recurring ideas so I grouped them together by theme. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Work and then stop working

• Stop working around 7pm at night to read for pleasure
• Try not to take anything home with me at night or on weekends.
• Before breaks - long weekend or spring break/fall break/etc - work super hard to make sure there is nothing I need to do for school that way I can relax and enjoy the break
• Tried to not take anything home during the week so I can be present at home in the evenings to visit with husband and front load some chores.  If I do take things home, I try to do them in the morning so that I can have my weekend days free to do things that make me feel as though I’ve had a weekend.
• Choose one day a week to leave work at the designated time that you can - for me that is Fridays at 4pm

B. Take short periods of time to recharge

• 10 minutes of alone and quiet time every day - makes a big difference
• Journal A LOT - it helps with my reflection of my life and helps me to get the feelings out that maybe I have been holding in… want to meditate but I’m just not able to sit still or be quiet long enough
• I listen to books
• Do a devotional in the morning and say a prayer while I drink my coffee
• Naps on the weekend

C. Take a break from technology

• Don’t go on your phone must at all at home - sits on the charger
• Put the electronics down and walk away from them.

D. Invest in friendships (in and out of school)

• Having at least one strong friendship at school - someone I trust and can share/vent with and get my frustrations out - allows me to go home and enjoy my family without sharing negatives to them
• Importance of having a good team.  I have worked with toxic people and having a group of people to work with that support each other and hold each other up is priceless
• One weekend a month, spend time with our daughter and son-in-law - had to get it on the calendar since life is busy for them as well
• One Sunday afternoon each month to get together with friends that live in Prosper - usually coffee and dessert mid-afternoon and just catch up
• Schedule time with family and friends and put it on the calendar - makes it harder to skip

E. Do something active

• Physical activity is a huge stress reliever/self care outlet for me.  I love being part of a team and sweating out my frustrations. I love the camaraderie!
• Haven’t made a routine since school started to fit in exercise - which is what should be first in my list but I just don’t have the energy when I get home at 5pm - maybe when the weather cools… such excuses
• Yoga at least 2x per week - at class or at home
• Make goals - for me it’s running one mile every day.  I know that I might not have 45 minutes, but I always have 10 and I always need a shower every day so there’s no excuse for me not to go workout for just 10 minutes.

G. Make a plan

• Take one room each weekday evening to clean so that I no longer have to spend my whole Saturday morning mopping
• On Sunday prep veggies I’m going to cook during the week which makes it sooo much easier to cook when I get home after work.
• Laundry on weekends - girls put away their own clothes.  When they were younger, I did it with them. Remember that asking your kids to help can not only save time, but also help them learn things and do things for themselves that they can do.

F. Do something that you love

• Get a massage once a month
• Make time to go to the salon - getting my nails done in silence is therapeutic for me

• Escaping to my craft room - I’m golden!
• I like to make stuff too
• Love to do research and learn new stuff.  I love to see where the path of learning leads.  You know, when you’re curious about one thing that leads to another.  Love to connect knowledge and experience together. I get a charge out of that.

G.  Value yourself

• I’m working really hard to self-care.  And that means what I think and feel has value so my time has value.

Remember that what you do for self-care might look different than what someone else does or needs.  One of my friends called her list of self-care items as pretty plain Jane things. Yet the plain Jane things can be the biggest difference makers so treasure them and do them if that’s what works for you.  My challenge to you this week is to take time to try out one self-care idea. Incorporate it into your day or your week. And a dose of grace for yourself goes a long way too.